Stains for LIFE!

Once again Preeti is back with her Tuesday prompt - "Can a relationship be like a tea stain?" This immediately rang a few bells in my mind and once again I attempted to weave a fiction. Hope you like it. All it tries to convey is that yes, a relationship can be like a tea-stain. Happy Valentines and truckloads of luck to Preeti for her book release. I am waiting for my copy eagerly :)

Here I am, sitting by the window on the 5^th floor of my apartment, pleasantly gazing at the little coterie of young guys and gals on the road wearing some wonderful clothes, looking all chirpy and gay. Few in red and white, some in red and black, some wearing red tees paired with denims - they are all aptly dressed for the day. The girls are holding some red roses in hand along with the heart shaped red balloons, clearly specifying the colour code of today – RED.

It is their day today more than anyone’s. The day they look forward to all year, eagerly waiting and planning months in advance with the right gifts, the cards and not to miss the fresh red roses for their Valentine, the day they all go painting the town RED. Yes, today it is – The Valentines Day – The biggest festival of love – The day we worship Cupid-The day of proposals and rejections-the day of vows and promises, kisses and hugs, the day of romance and more romance.

The day when it all happened 02 years back…………………

There’s suddenly a lump in my throat. Seconds back, all I could spot was red everywhere, suddenly it was all black and white. The tea in my hand now tasted bland and insipid, the head starting to ache, the vision starting to dilute. I sat there nonplussed, closing my eyes. I exactly knew what was happening inside. I have struggled with this turmoil earlier too. This is the form it always comes in, leaving me at its mercy. Taking me back in time and scratching my wounds all over again………….chasing me with that one question “where in the world is he gone?”

I was waiting for the clock to strike 12 with bated breath. “Just 02 more minutes and the call will come. I gotta wish him Happy Valentines right on the first minute of the day” I said lying on the bed. As the time was getting close I started switching my looks from the clock to the phone and back to the clock over and over again. How I wish I could fix one eye each on them. I laughed at my thoughts. And the clock strikes 12.There I could hear a thousand bells ringing in my mind. And now all eyes were on my cellphone. “Pls call, pls cal,l pls call” I started muttering. I tossed and turned the phone several times, placing it in 10 different areas of my bed. I looked back at the timepiece. I had already been 15 minutes past 12 am, but the call hadn’t come. I waited for 15 more minutes, it never rang. Just few valentine day sms’s from my friends. But Rishi not even texted. “Guess he’s gone off to sleep” I consoled myself and decided to sleep. I thought it would be easy to keep the anguish at bay and sleep in peace. I remember it was much later that I could finally manage to close my eyes. It was a long night indeed.

Next morning I woke up to hold my phn back in hand. There were no missed calls not even a single sms from him. Not able to control my anxiety anymore, I dialed him. The phone kept on ringing, no response. I tried several times, yet no response. The anxiety was slowly taking a toll on me. Next I tried his friends no’s with whom he used to share his accommodation. They said that they are all out since yesterday evening and hence have no idea where Rishi is. Now I was worried, deeply worried about his whereabouts. I quickly changed and left home. In the next 40 mins I was at his residence. It was locked. In sheer desperation I sat down on the stairs of his building trying the 100^th time to call him. No response again.

“Has Rishi gone back to Mathura. May be there was an emergency and he had to go without letting me know”.I reasoned with myself. I gathered some guts and dialed at his residence no. His mom answered. “Namaste Auntyji, this is Ria – Rishi’s friend from Delhi” I said introducing myself for the first time to his mother. She replied “Ok, tell me”. Keeping my fingers crossed I asked her “Is Rishi there”? “Yes, but he is busy – call later” she hung the phone on my face. I again called back after an hour when I was back home. This time too the phone was answered by his mom. “Didn’t I ask you to call later. Infact do something – just don’t call. Rishi is busy now, he is busy today, he is busy for you forever, understand?” she yelled this time as she banged the phone receiver.

Her reply had stung me like poison. Those lines kept hitting back in the mind like draggers. They were piercing and making digs at different spots of my heart,engraving wounds for life ensuring they live for as long as I do. . I was stupefied & terrified. I was dead.

I asked God a thousand questions as I kneeled before him that night. "02 years of relationship, commitment for the next 50 years of our lives is all gone like a breeze. Didn’t he even owe me an explanation or is it that he still loves me but is chained by some circumstances? Is he trying to erase the existence of our relationship from his life or is he merely trying to give in to his family’s will? Or is it like it never happened – our love never happened-our relationship never happened? Is it or is it not………………?" A volley of these questions were hovering in my mind. And the one and only person who could answer them all was not there. I just couldn’t trace him…………….ever. How I wished that atleast for once I could speak to Rishi and hear the truth, no matter how ugly it would be. But none was possible………….neither reaching Rishi nor knowing the truth. I had to code and decode the truth myself a zillion times. The truth was interpreted, and I would never know what the real truth was. I had to live with it and that was the ultimate truth of my life. I have to live with these scars for life. Much like a tea stain on a white piece of cloth, a permanent, dirty blot.

If only I knew “where in the world he was”?

I opened my eyes as the sun was hitting me hard. The entire verandah had become steaming hot. It was already 10:00 am. "I am running late" – I reminded myself. I quickly got ready to leave for the radio station. Sharp at 11:00 am I reached the station. My show was to start at 11:30 am. My creative had already arranged for a number of shows to be aired on the radio for Valentines day. Most of them were interactive wherein the callers will share their thoughts on Valentines day, about their plans, gifting ideas, old memories etc etc. Mine was a bit different. It was named:”Can a relationship be like a tea stain?”.

Being the least ready for it,I took my tea cuppa in hand, took a deep breath and in the next 20 seconds, RJ Ria was on air………….