Tuesday, October 22, 2013

I Kid You Not...

When you are traveling alone in a bus, flight or train the next seated co-passengers often catch your attention. You have a book in hand pretending to read, your headset repeating those songs that you have heard several times, or sleep which in this case shd be ideal but becomes a distant pal. You terribly fell like having a company in the company of so many unknown souls.
I am anyways a distracted soul. My eyes when open are always moving. As soon as I land in a place, my eyes do a quick scan of the surroundings and if something catches its fancy, it makes me looking back to it again and again. A handsome guy, a beautiful saree, a trendy outfit, fashionable bags & of course the sweet little kids & toddlers are some of the things I never happen to miss when out.
Talking of kids, its always nice to have them around and can be the best en-route time pass. If they like you they will themselves start touching your bag or peep into your mobile phone and most of the times even talk to you. And if they happen to dislike you, they would just dislike you no matter how hard you try to impress them. No pretenses there and isn’t it why we all looooove kids?

So coming back to traveling, I was recently going solo in a train. 03 hours were not very difficult to pass given the fact that I had a book to finish. Apart from some people, rest were traveling in families. On my left was a gentleman traveling alone like me and on my right was a family of husband, wife & their daughter. A kid around was surely not going to be boring I knew. Having guessed her age to be around 03 yrs I gave her a quick glance before proceeding to read.
She looked quiet & all poised as she took her seat next to her dad.  At that time I didn’t want much distraction & wanted to finish the book asap. But someone was just not agreeable to this peace treaty. Within minutes this kid made her presence felt in the coach. Jumping, running in the alley and screaming away she was a kid literally announcing her arrival to the people. She even made some of them get off their seats to see her. Had their parents not come to her rescue, she would have managed to make the passengers run after her to stop. I cant even imagine that happening in real, but yes it was that crazy.
Anyways she settled in some time, thanks to her father for coming up with some game of sorts. I resumed my reading but was constantly distracted with her blabbering. Well yes, kids at that age do talk a lot, but this one was just ‘talking nineteen to the dozen’.

My glances gradually became more frequent at her as she kept chattering away. She was spoken to in English by her parents & she too managed to speak very well for her age. She was constantly speaking – of almost anything under the sun and had a way of relating things & weaving stuff almost like an raconteur. I was silently watching her and may I admit wondering at her spooking energy levels & such a liking to storytelling. Saanvi as I learnt the name from her conversations with her parents was a character at that point of time more interesting than the ones in the book. Between talking & playing & disturbing the quiet souls of the coach – she quickly caught me staring at her.

“Hello” she started.
“Oh ! Hi!!” I replied pretending to not have noticed her till now.

“Can I touch you?” she asked casually to which I said “No, you should not. You might get a shock” I murmured.
“Shock? What is that? She questioned & I gave her a quick demo of how when you touch something (electrical) you just shiver…
“So that  is shock, understood? But then you can touch me coz I was joking” I said to her relief.
A wide grin just lit up her face and she continued “Can I touch your earrings?”
“Yes you can?” I said pretending to get back to my book.
She touched my earrings couple of times all happy & gay and then very innocently asked “Can I break it?”
“What?” “Break” “NO”! I was suddenly serious & the chick was giggling away to the glory.

{background speech went like this – “No Saanvi! Bad girl! do not talk like that! Say sorry to aunty and sit back! Do you want to eat chips? Pls have some juice? ………….blah blah blah }

She was pulled back to her seat where she could barely be for 02 mins and was back standing at the alley with half the body tilted to my side.

“Do you have mamma – papa?” she asked. I nodded to which came her next question “How many?”
“I will tell you but first tell me how many do you have?” I quizzed to see the expression on her parents face.
“ I have one mama & one papa”
“Wow! So do I. Same pinch”

{Background – Silly Sanvi! What do you ask? What do you learn in school?}

“Oh, you go to school?” I happened to ask knitting my brows to give a rather interested-to-know-more-about-you look.
“No I am very small.” Oh! How much they love attention!

{Background – Saanvi you liar!}

My book was way too insulted. With over 02 hours gone by – merely 05 pages were turned. So I decided to close it while dinner was being served. Saanvi dearest’s mouth was still in action not with words but with food this time. I ate the full meal at half the time she took to finish half of the meal.
Having finished dinner, I started twiddling my thumbs. Didn’t want to get back to the book so started to play “angry birds” on phone. Between shots I did shift my gaze to her once in a while, reflecting on how cute she looked & how happy she indeed made her parents, on how nicely she spoke & at the age of 03 or 04 something she could so easily comprehend & speak English correctly.

There you go………. she caught me again. Having done with the dinner – she tilted again and peeped into my phone.

“Hey you are playing angry birds”, she announced jumping from her seat.
“Hmmmmm” I affirmed.

“Papa – give me your phone. I want to play angry bird.”
{Background – No Saanvi, just sit back, we are going to get down in a while so no playing now.}

“No mama, I want to play. Pls Papa give me your phone…give me your phone ..errrr”

The terrorized parents had to give in before her voice could get more louder. She played and showed me that she too knew this game making me think how common “angry bird” is. Ise toh Bachha Bachha jaanta hai.

Everyone was getting ready as the train was about to enter the last station. She looked at my trolley bag & said “ Can I touch this”? “Will I get shock? HaHaHa!” She giggled.
Attempting to pull the trolley, she quietly asked “Can I break it?”

{Background – Saanvi enough! You are disturbing aunty too much, come back, we are about to reach}

Who can shout more than that when you have a child who is smiling as you are chiding her. No eyes rolling, no tears flowing, no fear factor trick works with her it seemed.

Finally we reached and as we were getting ready to come off the couch one by one, I said bye to her & her parents.
The smiling beauty came in front of my face, looking into my eyes, holding my fingers – ready with her next question “Can I talk to you in Hindi?”

{background – Come on Salvi, we need to get down?”}

She continued without paying any heed as we kept moving towards the exit. She was pulled by her dad whereas still holding my fingers.
“No tell me, can I talk to you in Hindi?” She demanded

“Yes Darling, but fast. We have to get down” I rushed.

“Tera naam Kya hai?” she inquired.
Ok, so she still doesn’t know much about the difference between tera, tumhara & aapka. She was hardly spoken to in hindi you see – I reflected.
Now it was almost their turn to get down but she continued
{Background – Come Saanvi – we got to go. Say Byee to aunty}

No she is not telling me.

Tell me , tell me “Tera naam kya hai?”
“We-e-ell my name is…………..is………”
“No in Hindi” she shouted
“Ok. Mera Na-a-am!”
“Mera Na-a-am!”
“Mera Na-a-am hai!” I drawled bit more

The darling angel at the top of her voice then said “Tera naam Kya hai Basanti?”
Stumped I looked at her in disbelief. I mean did she just say that.

{background – hahahahahahahahahahahaha!}
And I was rolling on the floor, my ass off with tears in my eyes (read literally) as she got down the couch and went dragged almost like a luggage by her dad.
She waved me & I quickly gave her a flying kiss. Slowly the smiling beauty disappeared in the crowd leaving me smiling for the next few days as I shared this with my friends & family. All had a good laugh and thus smiles multiplied courtesy Saanvi :):):)

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Life is still good!!

Life in a way has been staring at me with eyes open, watching how I would handle the pain and the suffering it had thrown on my face. Smirking at me and teasing me. Telling me that this pain is way too big for you to not succumb to it, to not be depressed, to not have a breakdown.

"When did you become this harsh to me?" I asked LIFE - my mouth agape, my nerves shivering and my heart pumping the loudest ever.
It made inane conversations with me with a blithe ignorance of my pain. "You have a problem" it denounced and made sure that it would remain in my mind every micro second that I live, every damn place that I go to and every bit of reason that I could smile at. It picked up all the positives in my mind and argued its existence. It didn't stop there. It tried to drown me into this deep pool of guilt and ensured I couldn't wade across.
 My tears as and when they came, LIFE celebrated!
It was succeeding step by step as I was slowly wearing away. With its usual nonchalance it danced in front of my eyes waiting for my next move of giving in. 
As I became more helpless & cowed, LIFE gnawed at me!! 
I was coming closer bit by bit, about to press the button "Submit".

Just then - I was suddenly embraced. 
I couldn't look back as he had hugged me tight. I struggled to set myself free but he did not allow. My plaintive cry was fast subdued as his palms reached for my mouth and closed it. For the next 30 seconds, we remained like this. With he not loosing an inch of his grip and with me still fighting my tears and gasping for air.

Embraced with love and faith he eventually could quell the unrest of my mind. The cyclone had begun to settle and he came in front of me, sitting and looking at my face without a word. He looked like an angel sent by GOD to weather this storm and to bring me back to LIFE that I knew. His eyes reassured the good and I started to believe all he had to say. With that opened a placid rivulet of hope meandering smoothly through my soul and lifting my spirits.That was the moment of strength with which I looked back at LIFE. It was still waiting for me to surrender with open arms. I turned around and thwarting his hopes pressed "refresh". 
And with that LIFE failed to fail me!!

It has been an emotionally draining year for me. No wonders that I could not come home to blogging for this long. After dealing with hopes & despair and coming to terms with the nasty truths, I intend to come back to this beautiful world of my own. And as I say this I am overwhelmed with the gratitude of what I have (read family) than the remorse of what LIFE doesn't wish to offer.
It takes a lot to come out of a bad patch with all the sanity and trying to live life just as normally like you. But I am trying........trying to dream, to hope , to plan and to respect the fact that 'everything is not meant for everyone'.
See you around in this unbelievable journey called LIFE!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Of Bollywood, Romance and ME

* The pics used here are courtesy google
** The author of this post is in currently kinda fraught with demensia. In a different mood and different world. So rolled eyes do not wander here.
*** This post is random. I mean really random - I needed to write it all now and publish it. And yes it is a lot like girly stuff. May be. May be not. I don't know! BUT WHAT THE HELL!

I am tuned to the songs of Hum aapke hain kaun from the last 1 hour. Listening to each song twice. And I am certainly transported to my childhood of 14 years back.
I remember peeping out of my school bus window (almost with the whole neck out) everyday to look at this poster pasted on the mount of the movie hall. I would stare at the poster for as long as I could and wait to get back home and demand my parents to take us for the movie. Though the answer was always "we'll go", we didn't happen to hit the theatres till the end of the 02nd month of its release and till it was announced that they would no more show this movie from coming week. Anusha had seen it, swati too and all the girls of the bus had, so yes we demanded, cried and gave a terrifying time to my dad until he took us to the theater.

And one fine sunday we went. There was a big que outside the movie hall, ofcourse for tickets. We joined in and got our balcony tickets for Rs. 20 each. Yes, you heard me right. Tickets @Rs.20/ -(I know you cant even buy wafers now for that dime). And we sat in a row, we 04 of us. I sat in a corner next to my sister. I didn't want to sit next to any of my parents, for I was not sure as to when will my mom start chatting in the middle of the movie and my dad will keep asking us if we were hungry. I knew my sister like me was here to devour it, and out of the gang was the best bet to sit next to.
For the next 03 hours, I was no one's sister, no one's daughter for that matter. I just didn't belong to anybody and anywhere except this movie hall. It was just me and the screen and the frequent whistles on and off. I was too engrossed to mind that. The movie gave me an adrenaline rush for as long as it ran.The romantic scenes gave me tickle, the sad ones made me shed heaps of tears and the funny ones made me laugh like a drain.
Omitting the kaun and saying "Hum aapke hain" the movie came to an end. After which me and my sis exchanged looks and grinned. We had finally seen it and we loved it. My parents vouched too.

The songs were so darn hit, I was almost everyday hooked onto them. Play, pause and rewind were pressed again an again on the taperecorder untill I had got all the lyrics right & noted neatly in my song diary. And I would imagine salman and madhuri, scene by scene as I would hear each song. The movie had driven me mad, the songs had too and so had Salman Khan. Man I loved him then (not much now). The rest of the cast was fab too - Renuka Sahane, Mahnish Behl, Bindu, Anupam Kher and everybody else including the late Laxmikant Berde.
And I loved everything about the movie. There was something about it that drove this country into frenzy. It touched the chords of every household. The family values, the clothes and jewellery, salman and madhuri and the earth shatteringly cute romance (the kind where even holding hands conveyed a thousand feelings) between them won hearts .

 This kind of a hysteria was witnessed after a long time in India. I know DDLJ/KKHH which came later were super hits and romantic too. I remember how often we friends would debate on the one we liked. I always stuck to HAHK. Somewhere that is the kind of movie I wanted to see more. and I believed this kinda movies would go on to inspire script writers and directors. But sadly it didn't. The only which came a bit close to it was rajshree productions next "Hum saath saath hain" but then it had a lot of elements missing to give it a high. But not a single alike in all these years. But look who it inspired? Our soap queen "Ekta Kapoor" who ran a dozen of TV shows on the same lines charming few and eventually disgusting most of us. The fact that she laughed all the way to the bank and the TRP charts nonetheless is a different story altogether.

14 years since then, I see how bollywood movies have evolved. We really have some good movies to be proud of. Movies on an array of topics that catches our interest. But movies driving people frenzy cant be witnessed anymore so presumably they have stopped being made or can not be made. "Hum aapke hain kaun" can not be made again and even DDLJ for that matter. Or may be this generation is not interested. They are most probably waiting for Dabang 2 and Dhoom 3 or karan johar's next.  As for us, we are still happy with "Jab tak hai jaan"! , one of those movies that I pray can potentially convince one more generation that love is the emotion supreme.

Up next is my favourite "pehla pehla pyar hain" and that brings us to the end of this loooong and may be a boring post to an end. Coz now I am gonna close my eyes and turn into this hopeless romantic, imagining madhuri in that pink dress and salman without a shirt (I dont know whether he started the trend from this one) dancing and romancing through this hell of a beautiful song. Somebody give me a chocolate, and may be lime juice, icecream and toffeeian pls :)

Monday, November 19, 2012

Give it a try!

One fine day
When the thick storm came and washed it all away
You lied there clueless as to what to make of life

The day when I for the first time saw you cry
And I begged you to live, I begged you to try

You shrugged and dismissed all I had to say
You crumbled more, in disbelief and went deeper in your pain
That winter morning, when I drove along ruminating
Of your fight with life, so contrite
I no more had words to give, to a man who had lost his wife

And then came a gush of rain
Drenching the roads and making it tough to drive
We stopped at an empty road
In wilderness, with not a soul by our side
I again wanted to pep you up, forgetting that you were hardly alive
And then you spoke those words with tear filled eyes
“Why me”, “Why”?

You cried like mad in the rains,
Cruelly reminded of the evening past by,
When you two were returning from the wedding in the car
Enthralled coz she looked so beautiful by your side

Then followed  a weak moment and you lost control
And before you knew it, she was gone.

You too got hit so badly on your arm
But you were numb of pain by that time
And you wept as the wind wailed to the trees
The time stood still on a dime
You remained there by your beloved’s side
Her body – all flesh and blood was now a corpse
You denied to accept, you denied to let it be taken
for her final rites

I let everyone go and decided to take you along
To meet your wife for one last time
But now here you are questioning me for what went wrong
and the answer isn’t possible to come by
You remain stupefied and I tremble in fear
"No I can not loose you" I scream in pain
Then you look into my eyes
So fiery and red and you hug me tight
I know you seek strength and I try to give you all I have
And whisper in your ears looking at the pouring sky:

“I know life has been cruel
in its ugliest way
But we remain there, your family - to love you as always
Come and live and pray for her
so that wherever she is, she ought to peacefully stay”

So for one last time ………….with a sigh
Begging you to not quit I say,
“Brother give Life a chance– give it a try!”

Saturday, November 17, 2012


                                                         Image courtesy: Google


What happens when it starts to spell like this? The alphabets refusing to touch each other, and yet standing in a queue as if they are together.

Together was splitting for Neil and Daisy, every day.

Their world was splitting in bits, their friendship was splitting into pieces and their marriage was falling over like a pack of cards - for reasons inexplicable. The incessant fights, the constant bleating - there were more things in common between them now than ever before.
For each the other was selfish, uncaring, and sometimes hell of a stubborn spouse. Their differences were increasing and so was their willingness to let go. 

And then came a morning to take a call. As usual when daisy woke up, Neil had already left for the day. As she started making her bed, she found a folded piece of paper by her side. She opened it to learn that it was a letter addressed to her. It was a letter from Neil.
Daisy’s heart skipped a beat.
After 10 long years, Neil had written to her. She waited for one such letter for all these years but never came by one. And now here it is, when she is least expecting it, when their relationship is already fading away, when a letter from him at this point of time doesn’t make sense at all.

She opened the chit, which read
“Daisy, I am going. Do not know whether I will return. In case I don’t, I want you to accept that we are no more together. That its over. And I want you to take care always and have a good life. Love – Neil”

And that was all. This letter as brief as a classified ad and yet it spoke a thousand things.
“Maybe I didn’t try enough” She sighed as she crumbled the chit in her fist tighter. There was silence all over. 
 For her this marriage had meant so much. But then they were lonely. For last 10 years they were a lonely couple. Even though all the tests were normal, Daisy couldn’t conceive till today. Knowing how much Neil wanted a baby she felt helpless. Her irritable behavior was easily evident. For little things she would yell at Neil who on the other hand was still unable to cope up with the despondence of not having a child.
Neil was always the more mature partner. He understood daisy, always. He knew no one is to be blamed but Fate for acting so cruel . The fact that they were not parents yet somewhere was like those rough waves gnawing at their relationship which stood like a rock once.
 "We" she moaned! She would always believe in WE and US and TOGETHER.
Now the alphabets were spacing out. Not only her even Neil had worked very hard to strengthen this marriage. It had survived so many things - unhappy parents, crazy work life imbalance, over interfering relatives and what not. The only thing it couldn't survive was them being barren till date, not having kids even after years of trying. She closed her eyes as those tiny tear drops made their way rolling down to her cheeks. Hurt and anger were not the emotions that time. She knew Neil is not be blamed. She is just one of those barren women, the kind of woman who in our society is a waste, the kind of women no one would like to let their grown up daughters mingle with, a woman whose existence is a taboo. But Neil stood by Daisy when the world turned around until the day all of it started taking a toll on her. Until the day she started loosing it every now and then.

And then there was a fit of weeping.  With not a soul by her side - this time lying on the floor, she let the damn break loose.

 How badly she missed her mother then, wanting to hold her tight and surrender, and then she patting her back and saying" It will be all right". But GOD, none was possible for she was gone 02 years back.  This loss further had deepened the wounds of Daisy, taking her far away from Neil in an estranged world to which she now belonged.
For hours, she lied on the floor washed by her tears. In which she saw her whole self left in pieces.
 "C'mon get up and move on. For sure reasons it can't be worse than this. To which I mean the worse is now which you are going through and this too shall pass as Mom always said "She tried to reason with herself and gather the pieces together.
And as she was about to get up, the doorbell rang.
“No it cant be him” she thought as she heard that. And she was not interested to see anyone else. No one now. 
It took two more bells to finally make her get up and open the door. She was surprised to not see anyone at all and she slammed the door hard. "God these society children.They have these stupid pranks to irritate residents. I'll better go and complain to the secretary today.  they suck!" she sulked as she returned to her room. Seconds later, there was a bell again. Miffed and prepared to catch and scowl at that crancky bunch of kids, she opened the door.

And then she paused, fumbling and flabbergasted to what she saw.

 There were moments of long silence as she stood there baffled until a gust of laughter greeted her and he walked in. HE - yes it was Neil with a bundle in his hands. With one hand he pulled Daisy's hand and dragged her to the room, with still carrying that something with the other hand. She followed. Gently, he sat on the bed and passed on the gift to Daisy with tears in his eyes and whispering "She is ours. Hold her". And with trembling hands Daisy touched her for the first time

 "She is our little angle, our bundle of joy,  She is our baby and we have been blessed." Neil expressed as she kissed the baby.
Daisy, holding the tiny one in her arms, looked into that face. Eyes - big, shiny, black as oil. Complexion - tad bit dusky as her, lips - rosy, glossy like ripe cherries. 
"Oh she is beautiful" she murmured as her heart gorged with joy. Joy like never before … rumbling within her like a river. She was experiencing ecstasy, lifting her up like a wave, like a grass which shots up in spring, like the sun in the summer morning rising faster and making it all bright and sunny. She was the sunshine that neil and daisy were looking for all these years. They truly were blessed. God chose her for them as HE chose them for her.   As she was no more in "Ashray - Center for welfare of children". She had finally found a home after being abandoned by her parents for reasons she was too young to comprehend.
And may be she never would want to. 
                                                              Image courtesy : Google

And turning to her man she said" Yes she is the angel, our baby. And we will be all TOGETHER - always. Right Neil?"
"Right Darling" he replied and they hugged with tears of joy.
 Happy for they did it. They fixed it TOGETHER.