गुत्थी!

गाँठ खोलने लगी मैं छत के एक कोने मे बैठे !
रंग बिरंगे धागे कुछ इस तरह से साथ थे
मानो कहने लगे “ना उलझो हुम्से बस ऐसे”!


लाल ने पकड़ा था पीले को कुछ ऐसे, और नीला था हरा को बड़े प्यार से जकड़े!
काला था सबसे तेज़, उन सब को अपनी मुट्ठी मे किए!
गुलाबी  भी कुछ कम नही, वोही तो था सब धागो को पकड़े!


मैं खोलती गयी, वो उलझते गये,
बस बदलता गया उस गुत्थी का रूप!
अब कुछ खुछ बात समझ आ रही थी,
कि मैं क्या करने जा रही थी!
बावरी सी हस पड़ी मैं, 
और उच्छाला उसे उपर आसमान में! 
गिर के पहुचि मेरी गुड़िया के सामने!
अब वो खिलौना बन चुकी थी!


मुस्कुराइ मेरी गुड़िया……………….लिए उसे अपने पास!
अब उसे करनी थी उस गोले से जंग!
बस घुमाया गोल गुलाबी को, सारे खुलने लगे थे!
किया उसने अपनी मा को दंग!
लेकिन तभी खेल बदल दिया उसने,
लिए उन धागो को संग!
बनाए फिर से उनके गोले अनेक, वो रंग तो फिर से आपस मे जुड़ने लगे थे!


हस पड़े हम दोनो, फिर गुड़िया अपने काम मे रमझ गयी!


क्या खूब सुलझी ये गुत्थी, 
वो जो सुलझ गयी…………… मैं सब समझ गयी.........!!!








-------------सुकन्या

Tea, Cake and ME! I love the tuesdays now!

Fretting I was to not see the Tuesday prompt this morning. I waited, waited and waited and finally what I gotta see was not only the prompt of Preeti but also some of her lovely pictures from the Pune – book launch. My copy has reached me – Thanks Preeti. I am yet to read. Will do soon

Anyways this Tuesdays prompt is interesting. Bole toh “awesome”! It goes like this…………

Write three sentences about yourself, first sentence starting with T., second with E and third with A
(as it spells TEA). If you want to write more, write four more sentences but they have to start with C, A, K and E respectively. (CAKE)

And this is preeti’s chance to know a bit about her readers. So here it goes dear……

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Take my words and believe me – Tomorrow always comes.

Each morning I wake up by alarm, and then the series starts for the whole day – I mean one alarm after the other.

Amazing it is, to see how readily I give in to the temptations of a Chocolate cake, a mousee, a brownie or “rosogolla”, no matter how hell bent I am to loose weight OR on a dieting spree.

Calm like sea, I seriously do not let the world fathom the depths of my mind, unless you disturb me when I am deeply engaged with my Choco fantasy.

Anxiety kills me most of the times, especially when I know y exam starts in 02 hours and I have 200 chapters to turn and if possible read.

Kind and magnanimous that I am, I will readily give my favorite Bournville to the liitle daughter of my maid than share it with my adorable husband.

Evil minds – before you dismiss me as a lazy lass, as a forgetful granny, as a glutton, as a rowdy and selfish soul, need I tell you dearies that I am an Empress of my own kingdom and am just serving my thoughts on platter.

Here’s to TEA, CAKE and ………………………………….

ME of course!lolz!

Luv

Sukanya :) :) :)

P.s.- Thanks for reading this nonsencical nonsense. But writing it was fun for me, much reflective of the fun-filled mood that I am in today. Pls Excuse for this time……………..:)

Stains for LIFE!

Once again Preeti is back with her Tuesday prompt - "Can a relationship be like a tea stain?" This immediately rang a few bells in my mind and once again I attempted to weave a fiction. Hope you like it. All it tries to convey is that yes, a relationship can be like a tea-stain. Happy Valentines and truckloads of luck to Preeti for her book release. I am waiting for my copy eagerly :)

Here I am, sitting by the window on the 5^th floor of my apartment, pleasantly gazing at the little coterie of young guys and gals on the road wearing some wonderful clothes, looking all chirpy and gay. Few in red and white, some in red and black, some wearing red tees paired with denims - they are all aptly dressed for the day. The girls are holding some red roses in hand along with the heart shaped red balloons, clearly specifying the colour code of today – RED.

It is their day today more than anyone’s. The day they look forward to all year, eagerly waiting and planning months in advance with the right gifts, the cards and not to miss the fresh red roses for their Valentine, the day they all go painting the town RED. Yes, today it is – The Valentines Day – The biggest festival of love – The day we worship Cupid-The day of proposals and rejections-the day of vows and promises, kisses and hugs, the day of romance and more romance.

The day when it all happened 02 years back…………………

There’s suddenly a lump in my throat. Seconds back, all I could spot was red everywhere, suddenly it was all black and white. The tea in my hand now tasted bland and insipid, the head starting to ache, the vision starting to dilute. I sat there nonplussed, closing my eyes. I exactly knew what was happening inside. I have struggled with this turmoil earlier too. This is the form it always comes in, leaving me at its mercy. Taking me back in time and scratching my wounds all over again………….chasing me with that one question “where in the world is he gone?”

I was waiting for the clock to strike 12 with bated breath. “Just 02 more minutes and the call will come. I gotta wish him Happy Valentines right on the first minute of the day” I said lying on the bed. As the time was getting close I started switching my looks from the clock to the phone and back to the clock over and over again. How I wish I could fix one eye each on them. I laughed at my thoughts. And the clock strikes 12.There I could hear a thousand bells ringing in my mind. And now all eyes were on my cellphone. “Pls call, pls cal,l pls call” I started muttering. I tossed and turned the phone several times, placing it in 10 different areas of my bed. I looked back at the timepiece. I had already been 15 minutes past 12 am, but the call hadn’t come. I waited for 15 more minutes, it never rang. Just few valentine day sms’s from my friends. But Rishi not even texted. “Guess he’s gone off to sleep” I consoled myself and decided to sleep. I thought it would be easy to keep the anguish at bay and sleep in peace. I remember it was much later that I could finally manage to close my eyes. It was a long night indeed.

Next morning I woke up to hold my phn back in hand. There were no missed calls not even a single sms from him. Not able to control my anxiety anymore, I dialed him. The phone kept on ringing, no response. I tried several times, yet no response. The anxiety was slowly taking a toll on me. Next I tried his friends no’s with whom he used to share his accommodation. They said that they are all out since yesterday evening and hence have no idea where Rishi is. Now I was worried, deeply worried about his whereabouts. I quickly changed and left home. In the next 40 mins I was at his residence. It was locked. In sheer desperation I sat down on the stairs of his building trying the 100^th time to call him. No response again.

“Has Rishi gone back to Mathura. May be there was an emergency and he had to go without letting me know”.I reasoned with myself. I gathered some guts and dialed at his residence no. His mom answered. “Namaste Auntyji, this is Ria – Rishi’s friend from Delhi” I said introducing myself for the first time to his mother. She replied “Ok, tell me”. Keeping my fingers crossed I asked her “Is Rishi there”? “Yes, but he is busy – call later” she hung the phone on my face. I again called back after an hour when I was back home. This time too the phone was answered by his mom. “Didn’t I ask you to call later. Infact do something – just don’t call. Rishi is busy now, he is busy today, he is busy for you forever, understand?” she yelled this time as she banged the phone receiver.

Her reply had stung me like poison. Those lines kept hitting back in the mind like draggers. They were piercing and making digs at different spots of my heart,engraving wounds for life ensuring they live for as long as I do. . I was stupefied & terrified. I was dead.

I asked God a thousand questions as I kneeled before him that night. "02 years of relationship, commitment for the next 50 years of our lives is all gone like a breeze. Didn’t he even owe me an explanation or is it that he still loves me but is chained by some circumstances? Is he trying to erase the existence of our relationship from his life or is he merely trying to give in to his family’s will? Or is it like it never happened – our love never happened-our relationship never happened? Is it or is it not………………?" A volley of these questions were hovering in my mind. And the one and only person who could answer them all was not there. I just couldn’t trace him…………….ever. How I wished that atleast for once I could speak to Rishi and hear the truth, no matter how ugly it would be. But none was possible………….neither reaching Rishi nor knowing the truth. I had to code and decode the truth myself a zillion times. The truth was interpreted, and I would never know what the real truth was. I had to live with it and that was the ultimate truth of my life. I have to live with these scars for life. Much like a tea stain on a white piece of cloth, a permanent, dirty blot.

If only I knew “where in the world he was”?

I opened my eyes as the sun was hitting me hard. The entire verandah had become steaming hot. It was already 10:00 am. "I am running late" – I reminded myself. I quickly got ready to leave for the radio station. Sharp at 11:00 am I reached the station. My show was to start at 11:30 am. My creative had already arranged for a number of shows to be aired on the radio for Valentines day. Most of them were interactive wherein the callers will share their thoughts on Valentines day, about their plans, gifting ideas, old memories etc etc. Mine was a bit different. It was named:”Can a relationship be like a tea stain?”.

Being the least ready for it,I took my tea cuppa in hand, took a deep breath and in the next 20 seconds, RJ Ria was on air………….

Life lessons over a cup of tea!

Back again is the tea for two tuesdays. A meme by the famous writer "Preeti Shenoy".

Tried my hand once again this time with my first attempt to fiction. Here it goes.......

I was waiting outside in the lobby for my turn. Interviews had just begun, as informed by the receptionist and the first candidate was already inside the marketing heads room. My turn was fourth.

Having walked down for over 30 mins to reach this office from where the auto-rickshaw had dropped me, I just couldn’t feel my legs. I quickly found a place for myself and sat in the couch with two other girls. They were filling up the interview form. Both were dressed in western formals like me. One had her hair open, the other with a neatly pinned bun. I had my signature pony tail. We exchanged smiles.

I opened the folder the third time from the time that I had left home, to check whether all my documents are in order. Thankfully they were. Then I was given the interview form to fill. The form was just a 02 page questionnaire on my personal, academic and professional details. It took me another 10 mins to fill the same and I submitted it to the lady at the reception.

Then the first candidate came out of the interview room. The receptionist got a call from the Marketing head, asking her to take all her document copies. She did and said will get back to her. Meanwhile the other two girls got up and accompanied her till the exit, asking her how it went, what all was asked, how is the marketing head guy and so on. I was eavesdropping to their conversation. The girl said that it went well, the guy (the marketing head) is ok, but he is assisted by a lady in HR who asks quite tricky/manipulating questions. She wished them luck and went and the girls came back to sit on the couch again. That is exactly from when the nervous pangs started to creep in my brain.

“Ushma pls go inside”- said the receptionist.

So Ushma went in. Turning to the other girl she said “After this, it is your turn Parul”. Parul nodded.

I wondered how only 04 girls have been called for this interview. I remembered the other day how hesitatingly I had applied to this opening online, not sure whether I wanted to start my career with a marketing job. But then I googled about the company and found out from my dad and friends. It appeared to be one of the fastest growing HR firms in India. It would be a good company to begin my career with. Yes I am not being considered for HR since I do not hold a qualification in the domain. But they are giving a chance to freshers for marketing. I can always get in to a marketing role and simultaneously pursue my studies in HR. After a rigorous telephonic round, I have been shortlisted for this personal Interview and now I have to give it my best shot. I tried my best to keep my confidence up. I sat nervous twiddling my thumbs, when Parul started a conversation. (Thank God she did, the silence was driving me crazy)

I understood that Parul has a diploma in Marketing from a descent management institute. She was not assisted by her college for placements; hence she is looking for a job on her own. Parul also informed that “Ushma” and “Payel (the 1^st candidate) too are freshers like me. She looked very confident because of her background in marketing and somewhere it seemed that she has a leg up in the selection. 10 minutes later Ushma came out. She looked bit disappointed. She submitted her documents at the reception and quickly left the lobby before we could catch hold of her. Understandingly it didn’t go well. Now the butterflies were dancing in my belly.

“Parul” – called the receptionist. As Parul got up to leave, I wished her luck. She smiled back and entered the interview room. I realized the interview might take long, hence started to read the newspaper kept on the table next to the couch.

I had only started reading in when I saw Parul coming out of the room.

“Hey, what happened? How so early?” I asked in wonder

“I don’t know, they just asked me 02-3 questions and asked me to submit my documents in the reception and leave”. She answered.

“May be she is selected based on her profile. I am sure she is hence they didn’t waste further time on interviewing” I argued with myself and said “goodbye”. She wished me luck and left.

I knew it was my turn now. “OMG, I just cant believe this – it is going to be my first interview for a job. Me the believer, me the self - respectful, me the “give-me-this-damn-job-or-I-will-throw-the-papers-on-your-face” attitude girl is sooooooooo God damn nervous and desperate to get through this one. Given the choice I can go all begging on my knees to make it. Rejection has always tasted sour and I din’t want to have a brush with it again. Yes I have to make it. I took a deep breath, got up and waited for the receptionist’s instructions.

She ushered me in the interview room, where I was greeted by a young man in his late twenties, looking very smart and presentable in a black blazer but with very serious looks and a middle aged lady seated next to him, who seemed to be giving him a tough competition in looking creepy. I sat and took a deep breath again.

I was asked for my CV. Suddenly my hands trembled, nervousness started kicking me again. In seconds I found my body contracting and my eyes winking every now and then. Before I could control all this the folder fell from my hands while handing them over. Gosh! I was embarrassed! “Neesha you have lost it, lost the chance. Damn! You couldn’t even hold your stupid pangs for a while. Now they will get up and ask you to leave” I said to myself in distress. And then they got up and walked towards me. I could see how my instincts were turning true. I looked down, wishing there I could quickly dig a big hole on the floor and bury myself in, than face the music. Stupefied, I remained seated, when I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

“Come on Neesha, come along” said Ms. Niyati Pradhan – The regional HR. I knew they would courteously show me the door. So I got up and followed. Three cabins later, they took me to a small conference room and we took our chairs. I looked up, the room was all painted in white with a purple ceiling. It also had some nice motivational posters on the wall. One of them read “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts". I swallowed my disappointment as I read these lines, hoping this is not final. Hoping they give me a chance.

Do you know how to make tea Neesha? Asked Ms. Niyati.

“Tea? Of course I do”. I answered.

“Great! Then how do you like your cup of tea?” She inquired.

“Black” I replied.

She quickly dialed a number from the office telephone and ordered for two cups of tea.

By now Mr. Sameer (The marketing head) had left. Ms. Niyati looked less intimidating, making efforts to make it easy for me. I was still nervous not knowing whats happening.

In the next 02 minutes, the tea arrived. As I was pouring the hot water in the cup and about to dip the tea bag in , Ms. Niyati asked – “What do you hold in your hands?”

Now it was getting a bit too much. “I know I am nervous, that doesn’t mean the interview questions will come down to as easy as these obvious ones like – do you drink tea or what you hold in your hand. I mean what is she trying to do?” I groaned to myself.

“I am holding tea bags mam” I answered.

“Yes, you are.” She continued. “You know we all are like these tea bags. The leaves in us are our character, our strengths. They lie just wrapped in the bag as long as they are kept aside. But the moment they are dipped in hot water, they create magic. They spread colours and flavors and make this plain boiling water into a soothing, healing beverage called Tea. Remember without having being dipped in hot water, a tea bag is nothing. It has no use. Similarly unless you face the challenges in life, the magic in you will never unravel. You can be an excellent cook only when you try your hands in cooking, a very good teacher only when you try explaining a lesson to a child, and extraordinary marketing professional only when you endeavor to convince the interview panel that you have it in you. Don’t let the opportunity go. Dip the tea bags in – the world awaits to see your magic.

Enjoy your tea Neesha. We’ll see you in 10 minutes in Mr. Sameer’s cabin”. I was dumbfounded. Trying to read between the lines. Trying to understand all that she said and meant. I was cherishing this gesture, the effort to make me give my best by someone who doesn’t even know me. Why would anyone bother? Why would anyone give so much of time to help someone to face it, to overcome it? She didn't have to do it. But she did. I looked back at the poster again. Perhaps this failure was not meant to be final, yes it never is. Now I know.

She left me alone in the room with life lessons over a cup of tea and lots of food for thought.

I finished my tea, and went back to the interview room. 15 minutes of grilling session and I walked out with my offer letter in hand.

The lady at the reception – Ritu (I finally got her name) caught me while having her cup of tea and congratulated me. She briefed me with my offer letter. I was to join the next Monday.

“See you on 19^th Neesha. Meanwhile would you like to have some tea before you leave?” asked Ritu.

I smiled and holding on to the offer letter said “I already had it some time back. Special tea offered by Ms. Niyati. You continue Ritu – you look stressed after having standing in the reception for so long. Enjoy your tea –trust me it will all go no matter how big it is. Goodbye”. And I left the doorway as ”Executive – Marketing: Pearlchip Management Consultants Ltd”.

BEAUTY AND ITS ORDEALS!!

Woooooooo! Ouch!

Easy, easy Seema,

Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

“Now the left hand mam” – demanded seema, the girl from the salon who comes over to my house for my regular beauty care like facials, waxings, threading, manicure and so more.

I turned to my right, letting her wax my left hand, it pained lesser or may be I was only pretending it did. Another 02 hours Seema stayed on to complete my beauty regime, my body being at her mercy. Each time it pained, I would close my eys, simmer down my screaming, with few tears rolling down my cheeks through the corner of my eyes and wait for the ordeal (s) to be over. She deftly completed her job in time and walked away with her pay, and I rushed to the mirror to see whether so much of pain resulted in any good. I sighed as I tried to look deeper and deeper, failing to notice much difference; I was just a tad bit fairer, fresher, glowing and I knew the same would last, just for a few more days.

Wanted to name this post Salon and its ordeals or Make-up and its ordeals. But no, Beauty sounded more precise, as one leads to the other. After all, these so called beautiful ladies owe it to their salon treatments and make-up kits for their splendor, isn’t it?

Ya, Ya, I know we have this horrible pollution and the rising stress levels to blame, but we cannot turn away from the fact that the real culprit is US who too have merrily jumped on to the bandwagon of this perception of morphed beauty – A mask beneath which lies the real ME, ‘the truly beautiful’ whom I am loosing by each passing day.

If you are the one who uses no make-up and never pays a visit to the salon, man there’s something drastically wrong with you, you are either ugly or a big-fat miser or a tomboy for sure. But feminine if you are by any minute chance, there must be atleast one brand of cosmetics or one proper salon you are letting be in business.

When I see the new ad of DOVE asking a question to 03 girls - can you move out without make-up, I feel its actually asking us all. If I look around I see no female for sure who have the guts to move out of the house without make-up. That includes me too. Man I cant do without my kohl, and a lip-gloss either. But the question whether I need to, is different & has to be pondered over for independently.

Well, till school, I didn’t need to, other than the occasional visits to my local salon for a decent hair-cut. That was all. My eyebrows were in shape, upper-lip hair hardly visible, oily fair skin which would glow (aside the few pimples which I couldn’t help – the sign of growing up years you see but which were taken care of with multani mitti and sandalwood homemade packs), hairy I hardly was.

But the need was felt soon, injected in my arteries, making a steady way to my brain, which gave in so easily and carried me over. The two solid High-school years in the hostel, – being surrounded by a bevy of girls (self obsessed and supercilious), with the ultra modern hair colors, perfectly threaded eyebrows the waxed chandan sa badan, neatly manicured hands, the glowing pedicured feet, the trendiest hair cuts and an indepth knowledge on beauty, phew! I was taken over, my confidence shattered and here I was smoothly transported into the beauty world and opened a recurring expense account with my pocket money.

In the process I asked myself a zillion times, whether I really need to, and the answer came as a sure shot YES as My inner foolish devil said - don’t you see every single female there doing it, look at S – she is so pretty, its all because of the facials she does every month, and don’t you see W and her beautiful eyes, hadn’t she been threading her eyebrows she would have looked hell, and yes your classmate J who is indeed very simple and naturally beautiful I know, but her body is so silky soft that’s the magic of regular waxes and that papaya and honey body lotion. And there you are, unpolished, uncut and an unadorned beauty. No one even looks at you. And there I was so badly dismissed by my unnerving grumpy self, who seemed to be so offended with my question that it kinda intimidatingly said –“doobara mat poochna”! Grrrrrrr!

So There……I quit my guilt cold turkey.

And the rest as they say is history L

So the girl who would scream the hell out at the mere biting of a mosquito, today very readily surrenders herself to physical tortures of beauty. She is well groomed, means she goes through a pain regime to get at it. She spends hours and hours of time in front of the mirror with a sea of patience and discipline and digs a big hole in her pocket. …………

So think again before you say its all effortless, you have no idea what it is. For some reason you might have a bad hair day, but if a girl is even less short of perfectly done up, she will have a bad hair, body, skin, eyes, AND lips day too.